And then And then! AND THEN!
by ObeyTheSnarf
Summary: Sari [slinko] battles Edward Elric. Does it have a plot? Even I don't know! Rated T just in case. BEWARE THE RANDOM FUDGE! Ahem. cough.
1. Ummm Pies?

And then... And then... AND THEN!

Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of the characters in it blah blah blah.

This story is dedicated to Sari (slinko), a good friend of mine.

Sari sat on an abnormally massive slice of pie, pondering the meaning of life. Suddenly, a thought came to her! "Snarfle barf!" she exclaimed. I didn't say the thought was about the meaning of life. Ha ha, you thought she was going to discover the meaning of life. Did you want her to? Well too bad. :P :) And then...

Anyways, in some other demension, Edward Elric was minding his own business when a giant eyebrow fell out of the sky and said: "I like rocks." And then, and thennnnn... um... and then the eyebrow, like, said "REEAAAAARGGHHHHHHH!" and ate Ed and then...

...Ed fell face first into some pie! And he was like "WTF!" and Sari was like "Wow an elf! Do I get three pies?" and then... and then... and THEN...

Ed was all like "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL AN ELF WOULD CALL HIM TINY!" And Sari was like "Ooooh an ANGRY elf! I will poke him with a machine gun." And she did.

And then Ed said "WTF! THAT'S IT! YOU ARE GONNA GET IT?" And then... And then... AND THEN!


	2. WHY IS THERE BUTTER IN MY PURSE!

Sorry this chapeter is so late. Weekends are soooo crazy. Oo

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Or Jello.

"YOU ARE SO DEAD!" ranted Ed.

Then Sari was all like "No, meatballs taste baaaad with jello."

"KEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!" and Ed was all making that blade thingy on his arm. Cool.

Sari smirked, like, a Roy Mustang smirk.

And Ed was all like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE ROY-ISH SMIRK! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"Muahahahaha! You are all defenseless and stuff!"

Ed put his hands on the ground and made a cage around Sari.

Just then, Magi walked in. "Ha, what a lousy fanfic."

And then somehow Sari was out of the cage.

Then she was all like "WHY IS THERE BUTTER IN MY PURSE!"

And then, some gorillas with machetes materialized out of nowhere and began attacking Edward violently.

"Where are all these damn gorillas coming from!" exclaimed Ed.  
Ed fiercely attacked the gorrillas, but they turned into balogna sandwiches and Sari was nowhere to be seen.  
"Given up, have y-" Said Ed as a flying bologna sandwich hit him in the face.

"Muahahahahahahaha! I am so wayyy too awesome! I'm invisible! Haha!" said Sari as another sandwich was sent hurtling towards Ed, but that sandwich missed.

"Grrrrr! It's so hard to hit such a small target!" >:(

Whoa. How does Sari say >:(? Weeeell, anyways...

"Who are you calling an ultra-super-pygmy-teeny-tiny-midget-dwarf!" retorted Ed, obviously angered. And losing.

"You, shrimpo. Yeah, you. Punk. Punky punkster. Punkity-PUNK!" P-U-N-K PUNK!"

And then... And then..! AND THEN!

Thank you for reading chapter 2.

Oh, and about the pies, um, I was hungry.


	3. a DEADLY rubber chicken

Here's another chapter, but in the future, no more reviewsno more chapters. SO REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, alright?

* * *

Ed got so mad that his hair was all standing up. It looked funny. 

"Your hair is all standing up! You look like a badger." pointed out Sari.

Ed rushed at Sari, blade shining. Sari smirked, but to no effect. She knew it was time to reveal her "secret weapon."

Sari stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out...

... a DEADLY rubber chicken! Oh gasp! Oh, and she pulled off its head, revealing a sword that obviously could'nt have fit in the rubber chicken head. But it's not supposed to make sense anyways. :)

As Ed brought down his blade, Sari expertly blocked the blockhead's attack (no offense to Ed, 'blocked' and 'blockhead' just sound good in the same sentence) with the rubber chicken sword.

"Oh shit!" yelled Ed as the chicken sword turned into a large wrench, which Sari promptly hurled at Ed's head (hee hee, I made a rhyme! Ed's head! Tee hee! ahem.).

The wrench nailed his noggin nastily. "Aaaaaahh! Senseless alliteration!" shouted Ed as he fell to the ground. The wrench came back to Sari's hand like a boomerang.

"That'll teach you to mess with the author's friend!" muttered Sari smugly.

"Heh..." mumbled Ed. "You've forgotten one thing. I am the author's favorite FMA character! I cannot lose to the likes of you!"

He stood up and ran his blade through Sari's heart!

* * *

Ok, I know this chapter was short like Ed (Ed: HEY!) but I put more into it. Now I'm actually getting somewhere. This is NOT the end for poor Sari, nor is it the end of the story! So review! Tell me what you think! Mostly, guess what's gonna happen next! Muahahaha! Isn't the suspense just KILLING you? Tee hee. No next chapter until I get 2 more reviews!  



	4. I am NOT dead yet

Hello again, dear reviewers. Tee hee. I like cliffhangers. They put people on the edge of their seat. But, I don't want anyone falling off the edge of their seat cough Tyuki-san cough, do I? I've heard that's the number one cause of falling on the floor with a loud thump in reviewers.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Or Spamalot. Happy? I'm not.

So without further ado, I present to you chapter 4: I am NOT dead yet.

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Ed stared in horror at the lifeless body, still impaled on his blade. He saw the frozen expression of sudden surprise and horror on its face. He started to cry. He was miserable. He had just KILLED someone. 

The frozen fear on the face of the corpse curled into a sneer. "Oooooh, poor baby. Why are you crying?" it said as it pulled itself off the blade.

Ed stiffened.

Sari's features melted and dissolved until it became the unmistakeable palm tree-like appearance of Envy.

"Surprised?" he said.

"How did Sari convince you to do that?" questioned Ed.

"She gave me a klondike bar. How else?" answered Envy as he was enveloped by a familiar giant eyebrow and disappeared into nothing.

"That was weird." said Edward.

"I'm just getting warmed up." snickered Sari. "I am NOT dead yet."

OneSong05 burst into song: "I am NOT dead yet! I am NOT dead yet!"

What are YOU doing here? This story is about Sari and Ed.

"Oh. Sorry."

I just might have a part for you later, though.

"OK. See ya."

Bye! As I was saying...

"You!" snarled Ed.

"Miss me, crybaby?" laughed Sari.

Ed turned bright red. "That never happened, so drop it. Agreed?"

"Fine. Agreed. Now can we get on with this, elf?" Sari said, smirking as she drew her terribly powerful rubber chicken sword.

"Gladly. AND I AM NOT AN ELF!" added Ed.

And then... And then..! AND THEN!

* * *

Keep reviewing! Please! I want 3 more reviews before I write the next chapter. 

Spasmo, I brought back the rubber chicken sword just for you. Don't you feel so special? Power to the reviewers!

Which reminds me. Tyuki-san, would you like to be included in the story ( not just the thing before the story) at some point? Answer in your next review. Please.


	5. The Pointless Prophesy

I didn't get my 3 reviews, but I felt like writing anyways. And I'm impatient. :P :D Glad you like this, Slinko!

For anyone who hasn't fgured this out yet, Sari is Slinko.

Disclaimer: Yeah, like I'll ever own FMA...

* * *

Ed rushed at Sari, but Sari held her ground, rubber chicken sword at the ready.

Her mind wandered back to The Pointless Prophesy.

_-flashback-_

An old lady sat in a rocking chair near the fire with a sack on her lap. "Come over here, Sari."

"Huh? Who are you? What are you doing in my house, creepy old lady? And why is there a firepace? We don't have a fireplace," said a scared-looking 5-year-old Sari.

"Listen closely. Here, take this," whispered the old lady, handing Sari the sack. "Look inside."

Sari opened the bag. "Are you insane?" She held up a rubber chicken.

"Pull off its head."

Sari obliged. Cold metal reflected the colors in the fireplace.

"But... but this is a sword! I'm just a little kid! I don't think I'm supposed to be holding sharp objects. You ARE crazy!"

It was then that Sari realized she would never be the same. Something ticked, and her imagination broadened. She would no longer be a sensible little kid.

"Listen close, Sari, Wielder of the fabled Chicken Blade, and I will tell you The Pointless Prophesy."

_" A day will come when the world must resort to nonsense, and it will need a leader to bring all universes together. Therefore, One will be chosen to do this deed, with the help of the magical Chicken Blade and a faithful eyebrow servant. A boy of extreme power will be transported to a special universe of nonsense to battle the Wielder of the Blade. The outcome will mean the difference between the end of the world and a new beginning accompanied by a strange tea party."_

_-end flashback-_

Sari blocked Ed's attack with her sword. _This was going to be a looooong battle..._

And then... And then..! AND THEN!


	6. Pies again? Wow, I need help!

Hiya!

Here's to not being grounded from the compy! o

Now I'm back!

So yeah. Read and review:)

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Duh!

-stupid line things that don't work...:(-

Sari grabbed Ed's wrist as it went past her ear and flipped Ed over her head and onto his back. "Pie!"

"WTF?"

Pies suddenly began to fall from the sky. Yaaaaay pies! Woot! o

A pie fell on Edwards face. He was not happy about this. Then more pies fell on his face. He was VERY  
not happy.

"Give up?" shreiked Sari, eating three pies in one gulp.

"Never!" Edward burst out of the pile of pies. He put his hands on the ground and transmuted the pies into a giant pie monster.

"Oh no! Attacked by my own pies!" yelled Sari as the giant pie monster lumbered towards her. "But I have aa little somethin' up my sleeve. It just happens to be... Captain Jack Sparrow!"

Jack Sparrow suddenly was barfed up by the giant eyebrow. Sari's friend Shari grabbed Jack and dragged him away. "MINE!" she screeched nuttily.

"I'M IN A NUTHOUSE! MY-MY BRAAAAAIN!" howled Edward, clutching his head. Suddenly, a tiny house appeared and a pistachio walked out of it.

"You don't know the meaning of that word, bub," it said, and promptly turned into a spoon.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING FUNHOUSE!"

Sari frowned. "Swearing is not allowed at this time. No no no."

Both of them were exhausted. "Forget the 'It's gonna be a long battle' crap. I vote truce," spluttered Sari, out of breath.

"Truce," agreed Edward.

So they had a picnic.

-damn line thingys neva work-

Sorry this chapter was short like Ed.

Ed: Do you have to keep saying that when you're too lazy to type more in a chapter?

Me: ... Shut up.

When you reveiw, please tell me who you want to be hit with a fish and what kind of fish it should be. No I'm serious. Any fish-slapping recommendations will be used if you get them in before I post the next chapter.

Don't despair, dear readers. I still have a couple more chapters left in me. And Sari will tell Edward the Pointless Prophesy.


	7. Tea Party and Making Out

MOOOOOP!

Yes, I'm finally updating! (fans cheer)

Disclaimer: I don't own fma or Forrest Gump. cries

So here is chapter seven!

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At the picnic, they ate lots of pies. Yay pies! 

There were apple pies, blueberry pies, meat pies, fish pies, mulberry pies, strawberry pies, gooseberry pies, cheese pies, kiwi pies, shrimp pies, raspberry pies, pecan pies, pie pies, ice cream pie, pie ice cream, lemon merangue pie, key lime pie, chocolate pie, moose turd pie, broccoli pie, dragonfruit pie, banana cream pie... That's it.

"This picnic is boring," said Ed. "Let's have a tea party instead!"

So, they had a tea party. Ed was calmly drinking his tea when OneSong05 slapped him in the face with a swordfish and then slapped Roy, too! Then fix-it Alchemist slapped Ed with a tuna. "WTF?" said Edward.

Then I slapped Breda with a halibut.  
:)

And so a fish fight began! And nobody won. But everyone _did_ get covered in fish guts!

"Fish guts!" shouted Sari while drinking her tea.

"Yup," said Ed.

"Well, that prophesy was pointless," said Sari. But Ed didn't hear because he was too busy making out with Harriet in her fanfic Bald Eagle to care.

"Eeeew..." said Sari. She then grabbed a Roy Mustang doll and proceeded to make out with it.

* * *

Ok. 

If you want me to write more, tell me in your review and make some suggestions.

So review!

Ed: (still making out with me)

Me: (still making out with Ed)

Sari: (still making out with Roy doll)

Roy: That's just wrong.

Roy doll: Tell me about it.

Roy: O.o


	8. Radioactive Cheese!

Wuzzup, everybuddy?

Well, by popular demand, I am keeping the Roy doll in the fanfic. What will it do? Keep reading and find out...

Disclaimer: CHEESE!

The _real_ disclaimer: I don't own fma. But I like cheese...

I ate lolly pops today! twitch

Here's chapter eight, now watch the sugar-powered madness unfold! O.o

* * *

And the author said let there be cheese! 

Radioactive cheese began to fall from the sky.

"CHEEEEEEEEEESE!" shouted Sari. She began to stuff large amounts of the mysterious cheese into her mouth. But nothing happened.

But then, a peice of radioactive cheese bonked the Roy doll on the head. The doll blinked. It then suddenly grew to ten times its size.

Sari freaked out. "OMYGAWSH!"

Ed freaked out more. Actually, he fainted. And Harriet dragged him away. O.o

The giant doll began to frown. "Sari, you stopped making out with me! To eat cheese! How could you?"

"But I like cheese..."

"Well, I never asked you to stop, did I?" The doll then shrank to normal size and was just a doll once again. _Or was it?_

* * *

_Mmmm. Cheese is good. I like cheese. I wonder if baboons like cheese. Yeah... Well anyways that was cool. And yeah. Cheese. Radioactive cheese. Am I radioactive? Who knows. That would be like so cool if i was radioactive. Yeah... I could like shoot radioactive laser eye beam things, yeah, and, like be all radioactive and walk around with my pickled biscuit picket sign going "I'm radioactive!" and people would panic and stuff and then they would call the FBI and then they'd come with their cool secret agents and their spies and guns and helicopters and giant mutant spiders and gorillas with machetes and then, and THEN, AND THEN! Yeah... That would be so totally sweet. Yeah... Pie. Pie is good. It tastes like, y'know, pie. Yeah. Pie. I wonder if aliens invented pie. That would be friggen awesome. The aliens would be all like, baking stuff, and one day they'd be all like making a pie and they'd bake it and look at it and say "This is a pie." and then they'd like send the recipe to Earth on a meteorite and, like, some baker guy would, like, find the recipe and go, like, and make a pie and sell it and someone would eat the pie and be all like "Dude, this pie is friggen cool" and then they'd like go and trell people and they'd get the recipe and make more pies then the whole world would be all, like, making pies and the aliens would be all, like, jealous of the pies and then they'd come down to the earth and, like, invade to find the secret of how to make really good pies and all that crap and then Seymour would get eaten by an evil plant and he was a communist anyways and I wonder if horses like fudge..._

* * *

Yes, I know, very short chapter. sigh

So, guess correctly about whose brain that was we got a peek at and you get the best prize ever: Sari's autograph!

Sari: And you better guess right! Now go review, darn it!_  
_


	9. YAY FOR LOBSTERS!

MOOOOOOOOO!

I've been updating Bald Eagle so much, I forgot about this one!

I'm so sorry! ),:

31 reviews.

Yes, that was Sari's brain. According to her, that was actually pretty accurate.

I decided to stick random reviewers into this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. (watermelon falls from the sky) O.O O.o o.O o.o -,-?

And so, I now present chapter nine! Yaaaaaaaaay! Moop. l:P

* * *

Sari shrugged and began to make out with the Roy doll again. 

Mei Fire suddenly hit Roy with her gigantic toy hammer of doom with a smiley face on it, knocking him unconcious.

"Direct hit!" shouted Mei Fire cheerfully, doing a little dance. O.o

PuppehLuff inexplicably transformed into a porcupine and went on a rampage, brutally murdering three pies.

Sari petted the porcupine. "Eeshafooper!"

fix-it Alchemist suddenly ran past, being chased by a giant radioactive spider. And then the spider turned into cheeeeeeese. I liiiike cheese.

Sari ate the cheese spider, and, licking her lips, proclaimed: "I'm FULL!"

And then those guys from those taco bell commercials came out and said "From a value menu?!"

Sari smiled and waved her hands in the air. "Nope!"

The taco bell commercial guys walked away in disappointment. "Aw, nuts..."

Sari smirked gleefully and flipped them off.

And then a giant gorilla fell from the sky and he was all like "RRRRRRRAAAAAAAGHHH!" and then Gardell chased him away to the land of happy llamas. YAY FOR LLAMAS!

And then Quozl was all singing "I'm too sexy for my shirt" and dancing like Michael Jackson. O.o

And then a frog exploded. Ha ha. Stupid frog. Nobody cares about you! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

* * *

That has to be the randomest thing I've ever written. O.O

I will resurrect the frog if I can get reviews from **10** different people saying that the frog should come back to life.

Life? I have no life...

But I do have Ed.

YAY FOR LOBSTERS!


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